I wanted to express my gratitude and love to my family and friends who have simply asked how I'm doing. Just that simple question with the right intention has meant so much to me. It's nice to know that people actually care.
To be completely honest..I'm not okay..but I know that I WILL be ok. Every day is now a huge struggle, and I don't know exactly what to do with myself. Usually I smooth talk everything..but hey this is a blog/journal right..I'm going to be blunt and honest...so brace yourself. I still love Danny...so much, not any less then I did when we were engaged. I literally have to talk myself out of texting/calling him every day. I was so blessed to have been surrounded by family and friends right after the break up happened, so I was incredibly busy. Now I'm in Rexburg, and facing my worst fear...loneliness. It' s something I HAVE to go through, even though I hate it. At this point I can't even think of dating anyone else because I'm still in love with Danny..but I have to go through the whole dating game again. I've always heard that life is hard, but before this I never really understood. I always thought others were just not optimistic enough. Now I completely understand. I'm experiencing what it's like to lose a best friend and have all your dreams and hope completely shredded.
I am still optimistic. I'm not about to let this ruin me, I just have a ways to go before I'm the normal Sarah again so I apologize if I come across different. Right now the only thing I really do trust in is that Heavenly Father loves me. I know I will come out of this a better person...I can't wait for that day! Thanks again every body for being there for me, supporting me and loving me. It's made a world of difference. Especially my brother Ryan. He has his own little way of expressing love such as coming up with analagies about Danny being a wolf in sheeps clothing lol. My brothers aren't the most lovey dovey people ever..but I really enjoyed being with them the past week in West Point. I just hope someday someone will love me and only me and I sure hope they are like my brothers and dad!
5 comments:
Sarah I hope that things get better for you too! It sounds like you have learned so much already from this experience that you have had to go through. I am glad that you are positive and looking towards the future as being brighter and better! It can only get better after this, right? I'm glad to hear from you and hope that you aren't lonely, but that you can keep busy up there too. It is so good to hear from you and how you are feeling. Love ya! Kimberly
Good luck, Sarah - you've definitely got your edge back...and that will help you get back to yourself, 100%, in NO time:) It's hard to watch the people you love go through hard times - but we ALL have them. You are definitely not alone in that area. Like you said "optimism" doesn't spare you from hardships. But it will help you learn from your trials in a more effective way!
I love you tons...and can't wait to hear how school (and dating) is going ...
lbh
Oh Sarah, I love you and only want the best for you. It hurts me to hear how much pain you are still experiencing. I wish I could help ease that pain,even just a little. Know that I pray for you everyday and think of you often. I hope that you meet the one that will love you and no one else too. You deserve nothing else. I hope that school will be just what you are needing right now in your life and that it will help ease your pain of loneliness. I am so excited for you to fulfill your dream and soon feel like yourself again. I love you Sarah.
sarah sarah sarah.......we love you. Just try not to be lonely. Put yourself out there. I asked Ryan on our first date.....on the same night that we met. So don't be afraid. You are in the right town for meeting people. Too bad it is so close to the wolf. well, we love you and you can call us anytime for more stories and laughs.
What's this about a wolf? Oh, I get it! I'm a little slow...hehe! Sarah, I love how honest you are! I think it's hard to talk honestly about how painful things are and how hurt we are. My heart goes out for you and aches for you too! You'll get through this, but it won't be easy! I love you and you're in my prayers!
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